That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
