Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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