Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
