.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
