i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
