I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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