I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
