Define "chronic" masturbator.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just invented taco cereal.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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