its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
