Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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