can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All the doctor said was why
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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