So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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