I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
