Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
