my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
