I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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