Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
