He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
