ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
