I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
