she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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