I could have mohawked her pubes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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