Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
