What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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