I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
