Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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