The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
