I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
