you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
