i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
