Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
