Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
