sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
