Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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