so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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