he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
