the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
