marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
