I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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