Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
