i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
