Pappa wants mamma naked
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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