Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
