Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
