Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
