tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
