Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
