FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
