The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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