You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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