is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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