she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
