I cannot find my penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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