How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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